She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
