I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
worst night to have a conscience
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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