just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
