weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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