well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
