wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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