I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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