There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
