I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
