Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
