well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
