Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
