I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
