It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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