He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My hand turned me down
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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