My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
