My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
