96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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