I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
