I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
