wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
