are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
