you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
