I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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