Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't want my vagina anymore.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
