I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
