I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
