worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
