I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This toilet bowl is my home.
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