He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
