is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
