I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
