what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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