Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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