thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
