In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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