I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
