There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
