dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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