i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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