Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
