The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
