I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
