Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
