Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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