I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
