Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
