Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Actions speak louder than pants.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
