everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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