he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
