I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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