i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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