She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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